Improving Communication - To Probe or Not to Probe

There is a time when it is best not to probe or ask questions. However, probing is important if we want to improve communication and necessary if the situation has a lot to gain or lose. Too many people are afraid of asking questions because they may have had bad experiences. But done right, with smart questioning, it can prevent many a broken relationships in business or in personal life. The key is knowing what to ask, how and when.

One must be sensitive to the private and personal space of individuals. In some cases a supervisor may be able to dig a little deeper than a peer, depending on the need and situation. The privacy of people must be respected at all levels. Don't you hate it when you meet new people and they immediately shower you with all the personal questions of where you live and what you do and where you shop... all up front without even finding out if there is a green light to go ahead!

The Sender must also be prepared to send a verbal communication to the most uneducated as well as the most sophisticated Receiver -- being able to pre-plan a delivery accordingly. The same works for the Receiver, the other way around -- the Sender may have difficulty communicating at an educated level, therefore the responsibility for recognizing the context from which the communication comes can fall on the Receiver as well.

It is not always the case that both sides are trained or are aware of effective communication. We do some of that unconsciously now. Reading about this brings out the awareness of it, so that we can take control of those elements that may be dormant or ineffective in our subconscious mind.

There is another negative element that affects our communication. That's the "quit and stay" syndrome as called by the Wilson Learning training systems. Because of repeated disappointments in a one-sided, one-way communication situation, people will often quit trying; but they will stay on the job. They no longer bother to do a good job.

In the same way with communication, people have a bad experience and they quit communicating but stay around. Because the boss never responds in a reciprocal constructive manner, they no longer ask the questions that may explain what the boss means in a certain unclear comment or statement. So they "quit and stay". This "crunch" is born at that point where communication is perceived to no longer have any effect or possibility for improvement: "What's the use", "What's the point in trying anymore" is the attitude.

Interference is another negative element that can interfere with effective communication. These are the many factors that come in between the brain and the communication (feelings, emotions, background, etc.) These are all the predispositions of life's experiences and frame of references that exist within the mental perceptions of the Sender and the Receiver. Even interferences and interruptions that come from outside sources. These interferences impede communication, rather than enhance it. They can stop the flow of communication altogether.

In such cases, it is important to write down what just took place so that one can bring it back to the table at a future appropriate time. Too often, these incomplete communication are left unresolved and the problems continue until another explosion happens which can then become even worse.

Probing is important and should be pursued in the right timing, with the right thought out words and non-threatening emotions. It takes practice, so start with small situations making notes of what works and what doesn't and work your way up. It's all part of self-training for communication improvement.